THE DEVIL'S "BEATITUDES"
V. Rev. Archmandrite Maximos
Epitropia of the Holy Sepulcher
If the devil were to write his "beatitudes", they would probably go something like this:
1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend a few hours a week with their fellow Christians in worship - they are my best workers.
2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked - I can use them.
3. Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church - they are my missionaries.
4. Blessed are the troublemakers - they shall be called my children.
5. Blessed are the complainers - I'm all ears to them.
6. Blessed are those who are bored with the priest's mannerisms and mistakes - for they get nothing out of his sermons.
7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church - for he is part of the problem instead of the solution.
8. Blessed are those who gossip - for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.
9. Blessed are those who are easily offended - for they will soon get angry and quit.
10. Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on God's work - for they are my helpers.
11. Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister - for he shall be with me forever.
12. Blessed are you who, when you read this and think it is about other people and not yourself - I've got you too.